Most Tech Bloggers are Parrots and Thieves

Today was a slow day for me as nothing was pissing me off enough to write about so I spent some quality (ha!) online reading time.

Then suddenly, as I surfed around to every mind numbing little technical blog, it hit me right between the eyes today that all of them were posting similar lame ass little quips about the same lame ass stories and the rest of them were stealing those lame ass little quips.

Give us all a fucking break and stop 'fair use' quoting the only 2 or 3 people that ever write anything useful on a daily basis as a temptation to drag us to your goddamn websites.

If bloggers really don't have anything to say that adds any value to the story then why not just move along and find something truly worthy of comment?

We know why that is, you have no talent and couldn't write something new if a story snuck up and bit you on the ass!

Besides, the sick truth about this large chain of blogrolling snippet quoting assholes is that they're all fighting for the same few eyeballs to land on their page just so someone will click on their AdSense ads to pay for their smouldering cigarettes sitting next to their keyboards.

The fancy word for this is "monetizing" their blogs.

It doesn't matter if they don't actually do the work, don't actually write the stories, they just cut and paste clips from other web sites and forums all day long trying to become an authority site on some topic where they've never written anything original in their own words except "Bob from XYZ forum said..." or "Fred from ABC said..." yet try to profit off all these clips and links to other sites.

Seems to me that monetizing large collections of so called fair use clips is a strictly commercial motive of profitting from the work of others, it's not editorial whatsoever, and when you have nothing original to add it steps over the line into copyright infringement.

Someone will eventually teach these bottom feeding scumballs a very serious lesson about copyright before it's all over.

A Very Google Xmas

Google sent me a nice box full of USB toys yesterday [THANKS GOOGLE!] that turned my laptop into something straight out of a scene Mission Impossible or Alias with all the retractable cables, wireless this and that, light on a bendable cord, etc..

I'd take a picture to show you what it looked like but I'm fundamentally a lazy shit and John Jonas already has a nice picture on his blog that you can enjoy. John seems to be a really nice guy so I'm wondering how long it'll take before some comment I post on his blogs pisses him off and gets me banned, but I digress.

For those of you that don't read WebmasterWorld here's a directors cut of my story from there:

The phone rang when the FedEx guy dialed from the main entrance of the building (we're condo, like I'm doing yard work - HA!) and my wife yells to tell me he's at the door. I usually just walk to the main door and get packages as delivery people tend to get confused inside running up and down the hall, elevators, cat walks, etc.

So picture this:

I'm sitting less than 6 ft from my door and from the time she yelled I jumped up and headed straight for the door, flung the door open expecting to keep moving thru to the main building door, not knowing my wife actually buzzed the guy in, and the FedEx guy was standing almost nose to nose with me and it was so unexpected I yelped with arms flailing like Jim Carey's over-acting in some skit.

The FedEx guy laughed at me.

Why do I feel this will circulate around the 'Plex and they'll all laugh at me too?
"Serves him right always being obstinate about everything - HA!"

The little gift box has a Google zippered pouch that reminds me of a toiletries bag with the razor, toothbrush, nail clippers, etc. except those spots have been used to hold hi-tech toys instead.

My wife looked at it all and says "You think they could squeeze the word Google anywhere else on all this?" then storms off "Where's MY Google toys?!"

Something tells me I'm going to have to keep an eye on that wireless mouse as she had her eye on that and the cat seemed rather fond of the retractable headphone thingy - vultures I live with, I tell ya...

Bestiality According to MSN

Keyword search terms of how people find my web sites are always a constant source of amusment but this one just about made me pass out from laughing so hard.

Apparently MSN has decided that this blog is about HORSES and WOMEN doing the dirty deed and ranks this site 4th from the top on the US index. Must be something in the water up in Washington state that has everyone looking to hook up with Mr. Ed.

AdBrite Testing Contextual Ads?

Tonight I noticed something very odd on a FuckedCompany Happy Fun Slander page in that the word 'business' toward the bottom of the page seemed to have a contextual add popup on a mouseover ala IntelliText ads except it was an AdBrite ad!



When I looked at the actual page source there were no hyperlinks around the word business but sure enough there was some mouseover code present when I viewed "selected source" in the browser.

<a onmouseover="AdBriteMouseOver(this,'business', event)" href="#" style="border-style: none none double; border-width: 0px 0px 3px; color: green; text-decoration: none;">business</a>

This may mean something new in the works for people using AdBrite and could help them become more competitive.

However, when I went back about 30 minutes later the word was no longer being linked to an AdBrite ad. Not to be easily stopped, I put the link in a different browser and VOILA! the hyperlinked ad showed up again so AdBrite seems to be tracking how many times you view the page and disabling the ad after a few page views or something.

Stop the Planet, Jeremy Zawodny Sold a LINK!

When a famous Yahoo! blogger by the name of Jeremy Zawodny, that many of you know, recently started selling sponsored links on his web site the whole SEO and blogger community took a collective shit.

Imagine some old balding fat SEO guy flipping his last blonde flocks doing his best valley girl voice:

"Like, Oh My Gawd! Like, he's selling PR8 links, like, gag me with a spoon! These links are like, you know, totally tubular and he, like, didn't use nofollow fer sure! Like, let's send him dwEeeb-mail as this is too bitch'n."

Snapping out of the 80's, it's just a scream that someone with a Google Page Rank 8 is selling sponsored links and everyone is running around in such hysterics that would make Chicken Little proud. Even one of the sponsors got scared, soiled himself and pulled the link just to give you an idea about how crazy this got in a hurry.

To make this even crazier, the latest flurry of blogging about this even might drive him to a PR10 which would be just priceless as these idiots fuel the very page rank they claim is sacred.

When looking at Google guru Matt Cutts' little blog take note it's only a PR7 . So I'm wondering if the same shit storm would be afforded to Matt if he started selling links? Oh wait, Matt might be rich off his ass from Google stock and not need to sell links so perhaps Yahoo doesn't pay so well and Jeremy needs the scratch.

Could it simply be they were all just pissed that other people bought those sponsored link spots first or they were too cheap to pay for links?

Sounds like a heaping pile of sour grapes to me, must be vinegar season.

Regardless, leave the poor guy alone you link buying and selling hypocrites.

Oh yes, and while I have your attention, just shut the fuck up and stop whining.

My Audience Must Hate Women

Most of my blog articles tend to be technical in nature and sometimes even helpful but write just one lousy misogynistic rant about women drivers and my readership doubled over night!

What does that say about me or my readers?

Who cares, maybe I'll go for a drive and get material for todays blog ;)

Good Will Toward Men but FUCK WOMEN DRIVERS!

Mind you, I really don't have issues with women but you all pushed me over the edge tonight so if you're a feminist or some other gynecologically psychotic wack job then stop reading now and you won't have to increase your medication tonight.

My wife is running a fever and I'm out running a mission of mercy to get carry out food from BJ's and everything is fairly calm on my way to the restaurant but it's not quite 5PM yet and all those bitches are still answering phones, making copies, spell checking and doing other office-based chick shit.

Once I've retreived the food to return to my poor suffering ill honey is when all hell breaks loose.

Barely pulling out of my parking space I'm maybe 100 ft down the parking lot and some Malibu Barbie mother fucker ZIPS out in front of me, not a little nudge, I mean she ZIPS out and blocks the entire lane forcing me to screech to a halt. With my headlights glaring in her window the blonde vapid DMV approved sack of shit thinks that making some cute little wavy sign with her hand makes it OK that her IQ is barely above room temperature. Mind you, I'm on a mission of mercy to get food home to my sickly flu infected wife or I'd have most likely hit the gas instead of the brakes and hit that car so hard I'd have blasted her blonde intestines out the tail pipe and left her head shattered into the safety glass for a nice 1,000 peice puzzle for the holidays.

However, I let Bambi continue on her way intact and go about another 3 blocks and I'm in the left turning lane and half way into the intersection when suddenly some raven haired green Mazda driving whore from hell in the non-turning lane PULLS INTO MY LANE! Horns a blazing, breaks a screeching and this oblivous bag of estrogen just keeps pulling in front of me and nearly removes my fender.

Now that this crazy excuse for an ovarian driver is securely in my lane in front of me and my bumper is magically still attached to the car I decide to flip on my brights behind her to express my discontent with her PMS-based inability to drive a car, follow clear road signs and directions and to firmly disregard horns of warning. This pathetic excuse for an X chromosone has the audacity to make hand gestures for ME to CALM DOWN!

My hand gestures at this point leave nothing to the imagination.

When I'm only 2 blocks from home I think all is safe as I'm far away from the deadly combination of rush hour and Xmas shopping cockholders but hell no, they're at it again.

Sitting at a 4-way stop sign a van to my left that had the right of way starts into the intersection making a left turn while the cell phone talking fingernail polishing titless bitch in the lane on my left decides to pull into the intersection after the van already has control. My horn immediately sounds and this crazy cow at least hears me and screeches to a halt while I see shit oozing out of the crack at the bottom of the van door as the driver has obviously been traumatized by the near collision.

What the fuck is wrong with you women?

Take a goddamn cab!

Stay home!

Just hand over the car keys to a man until XMAS IS OVER GODDAMMIT!

Hold My AdSense Payment?

Google AdSense has a killer tip today:

TIP

Did you wish to hold your payment this month? If so, please remember to place a self-hold on your account before the 15th of the month.

So anyone that wants good old Google to hold your payment along with thousands of others and help them earn a big sweaty bundle of interest on the collective money for another month just go right ahead and click:

"YES GOOGLE, HOLD MY PAYMENT! I WANT TO HELP YOU GET RICHER"

If you think about it the entire concept of the $100 minimum payment vs. $25 with most affiliate programs is priceless. Higher holding amounts allows Google to hoard cash from thousands of accounts on a monthly basis and get a little extra interest bump in the balance sheet. For that matter, making you wait an extra 30 days for payments helps that interest bump in the balance sheet even more!

Obviously there are valid reasons for some people in foreign countries with obscene banking policies to hold payments for a few months and only pay outrageous international check cashing fees a few times a year instead of monthly, but that doesn't stop Google from making some scratch off their backs.

Original Recipe or Extra-CRIPSy?

Looks like the Governator is about to make a no-bake xmas Tookie.

Brings back fond memories of Fried Ted recipes when they juiced Bundy back in the day..

As a friend said:
"That's the way the Tookie crumbles!"

LEARN HTML? Write Content Instead!

Amazing that in this day and age of automated everything that the nerds that think they run the internet are still telling newbies to become fluent in HTML and CSS. Sure, it wouldn't hurt to know HTML and CSS but it also wouldn't hurt to know Rich Text Format (RTF) and Postscript if you want to write a letter but I prefer to use Microsoft Word.

Come on people, get with the program and stop promoting bit twiddling nerd concepts from the 90's and be productive on the web!

Here I am blogging away about HTML and you know how much HTML I've encountered during this post?

ZERO!

Not a single <h1> or anything remotely HTMLish just like God intended.

I'm no slouch with HTML either and can probably run rings around the nuts and bolts evangelists hawking HTML knowledge as the end-all-be-all of internet existance but the truth is that CONTENT is king and nobody gives a rats ass how you built your pages as long as they show up in the browser properly.

The latest incarnations of FrontPage and DreamWeaver do a fine job of WYSIWYG page building but some of the purists will faint at the sight of tables and start rambling about the "extra code" they insert like those few hundred bytes of data make a bit of difference.

Who gives a shit - it works.

Reminds me of the 80s when everyone was trying to shove Pascal down all our throats thanks to the misguided devotion of all the Appleheads and now nobody uses Pascal.

WAKE UP! USE WYSIWYG!

Life's just too short to twiddle bits.

Lava Pockets

Whoever the sadistic bastard was that thought putting a lava flow inside of a pastry shell and selling it as food should be dragged out into the parking lot and have his nuts stomped into the pavement.

These little faux food items should be used to torture prisoners as the jails would surely be empty in a week as everyone got on their best behavior to avoid them.

This little warning on the food is the understatement of the century:

CAUTION: FILLING WILL BE HOT

Hot?

A pot of molten metal is hot, this shit fresh out of the microwave is like a slice of the sun's corona!

No mention on the package that you'll lose your fingerprints picking up this little snack as your fingers' epidermis will transfer to the pastry shell as you remove it from the microwave.

Forget a cold soft drink unless you have a cannister of liquid nitrogen handy as nothing else will help cool down the 3rd degree burns in your mouth.

They should require you to purchase a "Hot Pocket" safety kit and be properly trained and certified before being allowed to eat one of these damn things. The safety kit should include some metal mesh gloves, Space Shuttle thermal tiles to use as a plate, a high temperature infrared thermometer to sense when it's cooled to normal environmental levels and some safety goggles just in case a bit of super-heated lava splatter heads toward your eye.

Don't forget to keep a fire extinguisher handy in case you accidentally set the cooked item on a bare wooden table and it erupts into a violent fireball.