Thursday, August 10, 2006

Telemarketing SEO Assholes

I was sitting here minding my own business today and the phone rang.

Normally, I would let "UNKNOWN CALLER" roll to voicemail but today I lost my mind and answered the damn phone.

ME: "Hello?"

SLIMEBALL: "Hi, do you own domain XYZ.COM?"

ME: "Um, yes I do, why do you ask?"

SLIMEBALL: "We have been looking at XYZ.COM and it's a strong website but doesn't have very good presence in the search engines and we'd like to offer our help."

About now the hair stands up on the back of my neck...

ME: "Excuse me? I rank very well in search engines and have a ton of top 10 longtail keywords"

This alone should be a tip that I know something about this shit...

SLIMEBALL: "Well, our research report shows you're lacking in many major keywords and we could help..."

ME: "Are you out of your mind? I get 500,000 visitors a month, how in the hell is that lacking?"

SLIMEBALL: "Um, well, we don't show you on the main..."


I just didn't have the heart to start yelling and screaming profanity at this slimeball as it was just too early in the morning.

My suspicion is they would probably sink my site so low in the SE's that I'd have to get a real job as my days of webmaster welfare would be over.

Fuck it, I'll stick with my "lacking listings" thank you very much.


Ocean said...

Hey Bill

At least I am not alone, I get calls like that at least once a week at my job. I usually string them along for awhile then hang up, and have a good laugh.


GaryK said...

This is the way we read our script, read our script, read our script. This is the way we read our script so early in the morning.

Sorry, I'm feeling childish this evening.


IncrediBILL said...

I don't know what Gary's smoking but I'm pissed he won't share...

GaryK said...

All you have to do is ask. I'm always happy to share.


Thethings Idoformoney said...

If you string them along and hang-up you they most likely just keep calling you...if you want them to stop tell them to put you on the do not call list.

Anonymous said...

i think you are just a dick. it would be so much easier to laugh it off or make a joke. instead, you belittle some poor soul in a basement making $7-10 per hour.

You're a sad little person.

IncrediBILL said...

Dear know-nothing anonymous idiot,

I don't tolerate SPAM in my inbox, website or my phone so you can shove that minimum wage basement working crybaby argument up your ass and twist it.

P.S. Thanks for dropping in and giving me your fucking unwanted opinion. Y'all come back now, ya here?