Dumb as a Post Restaurant Host

When the restaurant host, that person stationed at the front of the restaurant, sees me park right in front of the door, in the handicap parking spot, and limp inside, that should be clue number one.

When I ask to be seated close to the front, that should be clue number two assuming you ever pay attention to what your customers say because I'm pretty fucking sure it goes in one side of your dumb fucking bleached blonde head and out the other.

When you take off with an armful of menus and race across the building and turn around and I'm lagging way behind, like maybe almost at the front door, maybe that should be clue number three.

Do you turn around and try to seat me at a table I'm near and hobbling past?

Fuck no.

You stand there with your stupid bleached blonde powered jaw moving up and down like I can fucking hear whatever vapid shit is spewing out of your brightly lipstick encrusted mouth from across the goddamn restaurant.

And when I finally hobble all the way to where you're still defiantly standing, you then have the balls to ask me if I'd rather be seated closer to the front, you're lucky I don't smack the shit out of you and then smack you for shitting just for being so fucking stupid.

Pay attention to your customer.

Ask them where they'd prefer to be seated before bolting off like a race horse pulling a cartload of menus.

Especially when you see someone limping along, sheesh.

Also, it would be nice if you could seat all the people bringing their snotty little screaming misbehaving heathens all in one section and give other people the option of sitting as far away from them  as possible so not only isn't our dinner ruined by their crying, yelling, running back and forth in the aisle, but we have a chance of not catching whatever version of H1N1 is dribbling out their little noses that they brought home from school.

I will  give props when props are due as two Chinese buffet hosts actually seat me in the back closer to the food so I don't have to walk so far from the buffet to the table. Sometimes being seated in the back is appropriate. Kudos to those that know the difference.

K THX BAI!